Last Summer

I haven't been posting here in a very long time, yet this doesn't mean that I haven't been writing... just as a reminder that I can actually find time now and then to "ponder the mysteries of the universe", here is a little reflection from last summer.

This week we celebrate the feast of St James the Apostle, the son of the famous mom who approached Jesus and asked for a major favor: “Declare that these two sons of mine will sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom.”
What a wonderfully ambitious parent! Sure, she didn’t really know what she was asking for, but still…
Parents have always considered their kids to be special and have always loved to brag about them. We want them to be seen as exceptional, to be given special recognition in school, in sports, in life. And what’s wrong with that? Nothing, if it’s done for the right causes.
In these times of helicopter dads and tiger moms who are ever present and push so hard, it is important that we ponder our ambitions for our children.
According to author Wendi Mogel, parents are becoming more and more anxious to be raising perfect children for two reasons that are not entirely “pure”: pride and fear of the future. Two feelings that, like almost everything, are good only in moderation.

Pride in our children’s achievements can make our hearts swell, but we need to avoid what psychologists describe as achievement by proxy syndrome. Do we want our children to be “the best Timmy or Holly they can be” or do we want them to make US look good? Is my child going to become a professional pianist because God has given her that talent or because I wanted to be one but could never make it happen?

And what about our fear? Fear of the future will make us cautious and lead us to instill in our children some healthy habits of discipline, respect, and perseverance. But we have to avoid inspiring them too much of a holy terror. First of all, who knows what kind of skills our kids will really need twenty years from now, and secondly…wait, haven’t I read somewhere that we can trust God to know even the number of the hairs on our heads?

As we get ready for the new school year, one week from Sunday we will be blessing our children’s backpacks asking God to protect and guide our children in their journey of education and growth.
What do we really want from them? What do we really want for them? And what do they really need from us?
Let us all remember that it is our mission as parents to encourage our children to explore the gifts that God has given them and to come to terms with their imperfections.

What are we going to put in those backpacks? Our human misdirected pride and fear? Or the joy of knowing that they are loved (even when they are not at their best, even when they fail, even when they miss the mark) both by their earthly and by their divine parents?