Pentecost XIII a.k.a. Triangle Sunday

Pentecost XII - Triangle Sunday

Community is a blessing.

We couldn’t live without it.

I mean, look around you.

Look at all the people sitting near and further away.

People with whom you have shared so much and still do.

Weddings and funerals, new births, Christmas pageants, Sunday school.

And what about ministry?

Those with whom you have hammered nails and

painted walls at a Habitat for Humanity build.

Those whose hands you have held when hospitalized or bereaved.

The ones you have sat with at a Parish picnics,

the ones who have delivered a casserole to your home when your child was born.

The people you pray with every single Sunday.

Remember everything you have shared?

Community is a blessing indeed.

Getting along with each and every member of our community is hard.

And when I say “community” I mean any community we are a part of:

family, co-workers, neighborhood association, the PTA. You name it.

We love each other (or at least we try), yet we get on each other’s nerves quite often

and that makes it so darned hard to like our neighbor sometimes.

How many times have you heard or said: I love her, bless her heart, I think she’s great, but . . .

Jesus knew that.

Being God incarnate and all that, Jesus had his share of community living.

His family first, shule (or whatever it was called in his time),

the neighborhood kids, the village.

Remember what happened the first time he spoke up at the synagogue in Nazareth?

And then the 12.

Lovely group of people as a whole, but really, sometimes?

We know he just felt like hitting some of them on the head with a stick.

A few times he almost did.

Once, in the heat of the moment he actually called Peter names, remember?

Get behind me, Satan!

That’s why he commanded us to love one another and never said anything about liking.

Jesus was very aware that human relationships are hard.

So he gave us some well defined rules of conduct

for when we rub each other the wrong way,

when we find it hard to deal with each other,

and even when we actually hurt each other bad.

Let’s see:

If you have a problem with another member of the community,

go and talk to them in private.

Don’t go to your BFF, your next-door-neighbor,

your spouse, your supervisor, the chair of the committee.

Go talk to them directly and honestly and say what you have to say with kindness, but firmly.

You know?

My brother, I didn’t like it when you said that.

I felt hurt when you did that. I have a problem with your behavior . . . whatever.

Talk to them in private, don’t make a public scene.

And for God’s sake, stay away from triangles.

You know what relational triangles are, right?

In Italian we say “talking to Peter so that Paul may hear”.

It’s when you have a problem with somebody, Paul,

who maybe thinks he’s the only one who can (let’s say) effectively run the committee

and instead of meeting Paul say at Goldberg’s or at the Flying Biscuit

and having a cup of coffee and a heart to heart with him,

you chose to vent with Peter in the church Parking lot.

Sure you’re just venting, but isn’t there just a tiny little hope in your heart

that Peter will talk to Paul in your stead?

Just a tiny little hope that maybe Peter will talk to a Warden, or to the Rector

and that THEY will do something about Paul?

Now of course I am using highly hypothetical examples.

I am using the community of the Church because I’ve seen it happen there.

Of course I am referring to a different Church, in a galaxy far, far away.

But, my friends, parking lot conversations of that kind

happen at the water cooler in office buildings,

behind closed office doors,

and in the semi-privacy of the den after Thanksgiving family meals.

Jesus knew about triangles and parking-lot conversations.

That’s why he said go and point out the issue when the two of you are alone.

What if it doesn’t work?

What if the brother or sister don’t listen?

OR what if you really don’t feel comfortable talking to them alone?

Jesus knew that sometimes words fail,

sometimes we are overcome by anger or pain.

Sometimes we are afraid we won’t be able to make ourselves clear.

Well, Jesus says: bring a friend.

A mentor. A priest.

Someone who is trustworthy and will not go blabber about it.

Someone who may be able to facilitate the conversation, make it count.

And bring calm and focus if the conversation becomes too heated.

Please note: Jesus didn’t say bring a posse or a bunch of your groupies.

What you are trying to do is NOT to prove a point or to talk your opponent into submission.

You are there to build something. To make something better.

You are there to show love to your neighbor.

Even though right then and there you don’t like him that much.

You are trying to regain that one.

That’s what Jesus says: to regain that one.

To bring that person back into relationship with you.

And, assuming that what he’s doing is possibly also creating a problem for others,

you are trying to bring him back into right relationship with the larger community.

Which is why the third step recommended by Jesus

is to bring the issue in front of the community.

Not because you want the community to blame, shame, or judge.

Not because you expect the community to run her out of town, or to stone her to death.

But because she needs to see that her behavior is not just ruining relationship with you,

but with everybody she allegedly cares for.

You stage an intervention.

And you bring Jesus in. Every step of the way.

Because he promised that when two or three are gathered in his name

he will be there among them.

And he can help.

And if/when it doesn’t work?

If the offender refuses to listen even to the community,

let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

In other words let him be an outcast to you.

Someone who is NOT a member of your community.

Stop worrying about them. You tried, the community tried.

Now it’s between them and Jesus.

Because we are free.

We are free to embrace community life or reject it.

We are free to embrace forgiveness or turn away.

As theologian Rob Bell said:

It is absolutely vital that we acknowledge that love, grace, and humanity can be rejected.

From the most subtle rolling of the eyes to the most violent degradation of another human,

we are terrifyingly free to do as we please.

We are free to hurt each other with careless words.

We are free to stab each other in the back.

We are free to deny the gifts that our relationships can bring.

We are free to be in community, even though it’s hard work,

or to chose a different, more solitary way.

In the end, we know what Jesus is recommending.

It always goes back to Jesus.

Jesus who blesses our relationships.

Jesus who blesses our communities.

Jesus who knows how hard it is to be together,

to share our gifts, to forgive one another.

And yet, who continues to push us toward community,

enticing us today with his final words:

If two of you agree on earth about anything you ask,

it will be done for you by the Creator.

And if you want to find me, gather together in my name.

That’s where I will be.